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[RP] I want so much more...

It was kinda late and Addie was on duty. Jim had nothing to do but sit around and think, and he hadn't been off world in a week thanks to a nasty upper respiratory infection. Sitting around being sick was giving him a lot of time to think...maybe too much.

And realizing just how ready he was for the next step...it was a revelation he'd only mentioned to Mike in passing. And now he had this...well, awesome secret, so he couldn't talk to Mike. At all. Not in a million years.

So when Addie replied from her station again, Jim shoved his feet into a pair of sneakers and left their quarters to head for the gate room. Her shift still had an hour to go, and he was well on the road to recovery so he didn't bother with a jacket.

He was being stupid, and he knew he was being stupid...just a little. It ran through his head over and over as he found the nearest transporter and stepped in, hitting the console to take him to the gate room. It wasn't fair of him to keep harping on the subject, and he was self-aware enough to know that the bugs that got up his ass eventually went away.

And this one would, too...just not in that way.

Kids was something he knew he wanted, and would always want. But he and Addie...they'd never discussed it in depth. It was enough to have Addie, Jim knew what a lucky son of a bitch he was...but there was more of her that he still wanted. A kid...it fit. It was the final piece of her that he craved...the ultimate piece of himself that he could give her.

So she had reasons...he wanted to hear them. Right now.

Reaching the gate room, Jim blithely strolled up to Addie's station and hopped up lightly to perch on the edge of the console. He waited for a couple of moments, catching his breath before speaking.

"For the record: you're right. Public venue...my bad. You're on duty and I couldn't wait." he apologized bluntly. "But now that I'm here...what're your reasons?"

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no_russianbride
Jan. 12th, 2008 07:20 am (UTC)
Addie sighed, pressing her fingers against her temples as her elbows rested on the console. Glancing to her side Grace just shrugged at her and motioned her to go ahead and take off. She felt bad because she knew there was an incoming relay coming in and she wanted to make sure that everything went alright, but she also knew that Jim was unrelenting.

"Thanks Grace," she replied apologetically as she stood up placing her had against his forearm and ushering him away from the main floor and into the hallways.

"Really Jim? Two posts about having kids and you're kinda adamant about it and you want my reasons why not? I mean I know I said I had them, but you're really not winning any points here with me. This isn't exactly simple stuff to talk about."
irish_sherlock
Jan. 12th, 2008 07:31 am (UTC)
Jim let her lead him away from the gate room, grimacing lightly as he absently scratched the back of his head with a sigh of frustration. She was right, he knew...and she was really just echoing the same stuff he'd been telling himself on the way over. And yet...none of it stopped his thoughts from circling like hawks, only faster and noisier.

"I know...I know. And I'm sorry, you married a jackass, but you already knew that." he deadpanned, gesturing absently as he spoke. "I just...I've been thinking about it. A lot. For a while now...but usually I'm working in the lab, or offworld, or...I dunno, bugging someone like you or Mike. But I've been down with this bug, and *not* working, and you 'n Mike have been helping me cover my scheduled shifts here and offworld...so all I'm doing is thinking. And...this is what I think about."

He paused, shaking his head and shrugging. "The bottom line is that I'm insane. And I love you...and I don't think the two are mutually exclusive, but that's always been one of the cool parts of being in love with you. And now I'm babbling, are you hearing me with the babbling?"

The little huffing sigh he got in response was one Jim knew well...she was getting fed up with him, and fast. Stopping in his tracks, he caught her arm gently and turned her to face him.

"I'm sorry...I'm being an ass, I know." he went on softly. "It's just...stuck in my brain, and my brain has nothing better to do, so I...couldn't wait to get it out of there."
no_russianbride
Jan. 12th, 2008 07:46 am (UTC)
Addie sighed, trying not to be upset with him because really she knew he meant well, probably too well most times but she still didn't think that having this sprung on her like this... in that manner was anything short of apology worthy. Her hand pressed to his chest moving closer to him because she didn't want to be at a distance she could hit him at, or even yell. She just wanted to talk to him.

"Look you know how my family was... and it was a mess. A big mess, and Jim I'm not ready to be responsible for another life yet. I raised my brother. I mean literally from the day he was born to the day I left... I'm not ready for that... even with you."

She pressed up on tip toes letting her mouth press to his chin, "Even though I know we'd have the most amazing kid? I just got you and trust me you're more than enough trouble to keep an eye on."
irish_sherlock
Jan. 12th, 2008 08:04 am (UTC)
"I get that. I do...I get the family issues." Jim replied honestly, shutting his eyes and leaning into the touch of her lips. "The horror stories I could tell you..."

Trailing off, he sighed and reached up to run his hands through her hair, letting his hands settle to cradle her face as he met her gaze with a small, hopeful smile. "I just...I want this. With you. More than I've ever wanted anything...as much as I always want you."

He paused long enough to steal a quick, soft kiss, resting his forehead against hers. "Just...tell me someday. Tell me maybe." he whispered, letting his thumb trail over her jaw. "Ten, twenty, thirty years from now...just don't tell me never. Please?"
no_russianbride
Jan. 13th, 2008 07:11 am (UTC)
It pained her to not be able to tell him, to be standing there before him and be so unsure that she'd ever be able to be a parent to any child, let alone her own... and even being so sure of him... even being so sure of their love she wasn't sure of herself. It was so sudden too, and it wasn't like out of the blue wasn't standard for Riley behavior, but it wasn't standard for it to be about something that would change both of their lives... and it wasn't something he wanted an answer for right now.

Leaning into his touch a bit she shook her head, "It's not a never but... Jim I just can't even think about this right now.. not even the ten twenty... it feels like I've been backed into this corner and I hate not having the answer for you... but I don't even have the answer for me."
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